Different Hats

I have always wanted to be a blogger but never knew the proper way to go about it. Years ago, I actually had a blog that I created using WordPress and I didn’t really go far with the first attempt. I think I lasted about three months before I decided to call it quits. That first blog was originally about my life living with mental illness, mental madness or something like that it was called.

Looking back now, I’m glad it failed, because here I am back for a second attempt. When I first began blogging, I was pretty sick at that time in my life. I wasn’t ready to express myself because I didn’t know who I was anymore. Postpartum depression took over my life – medication became my new normal and it transitioned into more mental illness diagnoses, like bipolar disorder.

I met a psychiatrist in the psychiatric ward who told me that my postpartum depression was in fact bipolar disorder. Somehow, this professional took my postpartum depression and turned it into a manic episode. Now, being a new mother with her first baby, and no clue about any of this stuff, I believed him.

It was the first time that I have ever heard about bipolar disorder, and I couldn’t understand how that related to the depression I was experiencing, and the crippling anxiety with intrusive thoughts. He simply just explained that I was in a manic state, and from that moment I became his lab experiment.

For like three years I was treated for bipolar disorder. Each time it would change – either type 1 where mania is the main symptom, or type 2 where the focus is on the depression. I had all sorts of different types of medication cocktails – I’ve had the mood stabilizers, antidepressants, and the antipsychotics, and of course my addiction to benzodiazepines.

And within those three years, instead of focusing on the postpartum depression issues that originally bothered me, bipolar disorder became my new normal. I began to read about it more and what it is exactly, and it’s a very tricky illness to begin with. I joined support groups online and listened to other people and the things they were experiencing. I did cognitive behavioral therapy to help change my negative thoughts and my behavior.

But I was still so sick and I just never got better no matter how much I did and how much medication I swallowed. Then one day, I got drunk while on medicine and it all became too much. I didn’t know what else to do besides call the cops on myself. Nothing major happened at all and no one was harmed, it was more a crisis call because I didn’t have any other options left. It ended on a positive note – an officer with experience in mental health crisis calls sat down with me and explained that I’m abusing my medication. He was right.

I was taken too many different medications at once and benzodiazepines everyday. I quit everything that night and that’s been almost five years ago. There’s a post I made a while ago about that night and how I got myself out of that situation, just read –>https://differenthats.blog/2025/01/23/crying-the-blues-a-benzodiazepine-story/ if your interested.

So within these five years I’ve learned that I do not have bipolar disorder, I don’t need to be on medication, and I’m doing much better mentally then I ever have before in my life. I’ve even graduated from talk therapy and psychiatrist visits because of all the hard work I put in for that.

And now the real point of this post – so now that I am not drugged up on medications, I’ve been able to function like an adult in the real world again for a while now, and it feels great. I still have lots of hard days but I am stronger now to push past it.

I’ve put myself through college and I’m still doing it. I’m a high school dropout, so this is like a major move for me.

I’m a better mom now, not that I was like a bad mom or anything, but I have more energy now because I don’t have to focus on mental illness as much. I do a majority of the cooking, cleaning, and all that other mother stuff that’s part of it. I have help as well and for that I am so thankful for because some days I wipe myself out with exhaustion.

I’m a woman who almost had her life stolen because of how sick I was from postpartum depression, and now I can enjoy it again.

I’m literally starting over from scratch, from the bottom of the barrel I’m climbing on up the life ladder in small steps. That includes my finances, my relationships with people, and well pretty much everything. This time I get to do it the right way – my way.

And so, I have found my way back to the blogging world and I’m giving it another try.

I’ve decided to call this blog Different Hats based on my life and the kinds of hats that I wear in my life now or used to.

Where did it come from and what kind of hats do I wear?

Long ago while partying with people, I was talking about the jobs I used to work. I used to be a house cleaner during the week and I was a bartender on the weekends. Some old drunk guy overheard what I said and he came over to let me know that “I wear a lot of hats.”

I was so confused as to what he was trying to tell me because I didn’t understand what this idiom meant. Not to mention, I wasn’t even wearing a hat.

But now I get it and it does make sense. I’m someone who wears different hats in her everyday life.

And that’s what this blog is all about. My different hats that I wear now and some of the hats I used to have to wear (figuratively speaking).

These are some of my hats I wear now:

• Mother
• Artist
• College student
• Blogger
• Mental health
• Gardener
• Chef
• Dumpster diver
• Youtuber
• Gamer

And these are some of my retired hats:

• Housekeeper
• Bartender
• Hotel maid
• Personal assistant
• Pantry cook

Some hats that I would like to wear:

• Archery
• Boxing

I believe everyone in the world has a unique hat. My hats are really not that exciting as I like to think, but I do enjoy writing and expressing myself like an open notebook so blogging just made sense.

Every day in my life is not just one hat, but multiple hats that I put on my noggin.

One thing is for sure and that is life is never boring.