Different Hats

I have been painting for a few years now, not sure the exact time but for quite a while. It started as a hobby when I was going through postpartum depression but then I began to take it seriously – now I have tons of artwork throughout my house and I’m starting to run out of room.

Ever since I was child I’ve always doodled on stuff – like on the walls, on a piece of mail, on the side of my notebooks, whatever. Whenever I had the opportunity to draw I took it, it was something that made me smile and I was free to forget everything.

And the teenage years were also the same but with upgrades. Mom gave me the okay to paint my bedroom walls and I took great advantage of that. I used to change the colors all of the time, each wall had a different and unique design on it – I had black and white checkered squares at one point. Then I had drawings of album covers on my wall – notably Led Zeppelin’s Stairway To Heaven. Unfortunately, I was not able to save that piece of art because I left the house but hope to recreate it.

But then when I began my twenties I kind of forgot all about my creative side and my artwork. I think part of it being nervous to show other people what I like to create, what goes on inside of my head. The other part my anxiety taking over and thinking what if they don’t like it and judge me? Looking back now I feel so foolish feeling that way.

When I was 25 years old I gave birth to my first child. It was a magical time in my life – I had no idea on how to be a Mother, never changed a diaper before, I’ve never even held an infant until that beautiful day. For the next six months I worked hard to make sure I did everything perfectly. I kept a feeding schedule and wrote down all the times to keep track, applied rash cream each nappy change, and barely slept because I had to make sure he was breathing.

Within those six months I forgot to take care of myself. I was more focused on my child and put my health to the side – just like any Mother would naturally do. I started to notice that I wasn’t the same person – I wasn’t as happy as when I came home, I lost weight from eating less, and my thoughts were beginning to consume me.

I was so scared and at first I was afraid to tell anyone how I was feeling, I didn’t want to be judged. Eventually I fell apart and the first thing I did was I let my family know that I might need some help. It was a smart decision and because of that I went back to the hospital. That’s when I learned I was suffering from postpartum depression.

When I heard that for the first time, I was puzzled. I didn’t know much about it and how serious this illness could be; nine months of gynecologist visits and that was one topic we rarely spoke about. I’ve read the basics on it before and how it’s called the “baby blues”, usually within first few weeks or months, and the signs.

That day at the hospital I left with a prescription for Prozac and Klonopin and that was it. That was the offer given to me and for the next three years of my life I fought the battle of postpartum depression. There was a point in time where I thought this was going to be forever – the rest of my life fighting for something I don’t understand in the first place.

I used to look into the mirror and stare at this woman – a woman who once was filled with life, color, passion, ready to conquer the world. She became a walking skeleton that lost the desire for living, she was ready to surrender. The same skeleton who was still a Mother, and she had to find herself in the light again.

For those three years I went through hell and back and I did many things to repair myself, one of those things was learning how to paint again. By doing so, I was free to express my feelings and create awesome stuff! Here’s the biggest perk – my son loves everything I make and I usually give it to him.

I have always considered myself an artist and I love this title. It’s not easy to sit down and paint a picture from memory, and I’m not a professional by any means. I enjoy all different types of artwork but the favorite is abstract.

This is some of my artwork when I was first getting started:

These are a bit older, ranging from 2018 to 2020 give or take. Some of them are from when I was taking an art class in college.

Now it’s 2025 and I still paint, but now I take it a bit more seriously than before. Still not a professional artist, but were getting somewhere. I’ve been thinking about making videos on TikTok for fun but will see.

My newest artwork from 2024-2025:

And even this mannequin that I turned into Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas. This one took me about one year to complete and required of a lot of paint. Her hair is made from yarn and she has fake leather for the stitches.

As of right now in this moment, I’m on a break from painting to focus on schoolwork, and give my hands a chance to rest.

But I really do enjoy wearing this hat and I’ll always be the girl who paints.